On behalf of all the bridesmaids out there who have kept quiet through an endless barrage of pink taffeta, 5 inch heels, blue eyeshadow, embarrassing cleavage and uncomfortable silhouettes, I say this to all the brides out there – think before you choose! Yes it is one of the most important days of your life, but it shouldn’t be a means of torture. I’ve been generally lucky when I’ve been a bridesmaid, but either through my experiences or those I’ve heard about, I have a few tips to keep in mind:

Consider your dress – Yes you read that correctly. You want to find a style that complements what you are wearing on some level. You don’t need to match, but you will all be in photos together the entire day and the style should somehow marry with what you are wearing, and reflect your tastes/theme. If it doesn’t matter as much to you that is great, but it is not selfish to choose your favorite.

Be kind! These are photos that everyone is going to look at for years to come, and if your bridal party looks really bad in the pictures, you’ll regret it. You need to consider body types, skin tones, time of year, etc. You can always choose to have more than one option if there is a style you are in love with, but ignoring certain facts could be very problematic later on and possibly humiliating for your friends/family.

Shoes – they should be somewhat comfortable and walkable for your bridesmaid. Just because you can walk in a 5” shoe, doesn’t mean someone else can. You don’t want your bridesmaids waddling down the isle, or worse falling on their face. If there is a shoe you just can’t live without, give them the choice to change into more comfortable alternatives after a certain point, so they can enjoy the rest of the night.

Hair/Makeup – My general rule is that if your request isn’t expensive and/or permanent, I’m fine with it. It is absolutely reasonable to ask your bridesmaids to come with you to get makeup and hair done as long as it is not too expensive. It is not reasonable to ask someone to get hair extensions, or dye their eyebrows, or get a spray tan.

Budget – if someone has special budgetary concerns, be accommodating when possible. They have the right to refuse to be a bridesmaid because they can’t afford it without offending you, and if they sign up there will be some expected costs to pay on their part. If you are thoughtful when making your choices, your bridal party will greatly appreciate it. Nobody wants to go broke by the end of the process.